7YEARS/8MONTHS-NOW WHAT?
THE TIMELINE
Nov 4- trimalleolar fracture (3 broken bones in ankle)- temporary castNov 6- fly home
Nov 7- see Dr C orthopedic surgeon -redid temporary cast
Nov 9- surgery- 1plate with 8pins on fibula, 2 screws into tibia -new temporary cast
Nov 14-stopped taking pain meds
Nov 19- post op followup-new walking boot-but no walking, can take off to bathe only, still elevate and rest
Dec 17-xrays/bones healed, new stirrup brace and can walk/move as much as i can until pain, physical therapy can start, long distance walking in boot, short walking in brace
Dec 19-first PT
Dec 21-meet with Brooks to test race wheelchairs for The DONNA
Dec 22- 2nd PT
Dec 23- 2.4 miles in sports wheelchair/cross training
Dec 25- 4 miles in sports wheelchair/cross training
Dec 26-3rd PT
Nov 4, 2018-THE ACCIDENT-COLORADO STATE 40
Well, the half marathon a month mission has come to an end. Seven years, eight months. I was so close to 10 years.
I came to Colorado for State 40/half marathon 91 to run the Rim Rock Run at the Colorado National Monument in Fruita. It has got to be one of my, if not the, best course I have ran yet! Absolutely stunning views, perfect weather, beautiful Fall colors and landmarks, not to mention most of the course is run down hill... how fun! (stay tuned for the blog) I stayed at Gateway Canyons for two nights and was headed to Dunton Hot Springs for two nights. (both comp stays with work....SCORE!). I had met someone after the race that suggested making a pit stop in Telluride, which I decided was a perfect idea, as it only added on about another half hour and would make it a perfect half way point.
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| Welcome to Telluride |
Telluride is known for their free gondola rides. Unfortunately I did not know until I arrived that they were shut down for the week. After driving around the cute town, I decided I would do the Bridal Veil Falls trail right next to town. This is known to be the tallest free falling waterfall of Colorado. (its also strange that this is also the name of the falls I visited in Utah a couple months back.... is this the only type of bridal veil I will ever see in life? lol)
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| The Trail-started at the 3 ponds |
The 4mile round-trip trail started as a rocky road doing switch backs up to the falls. It quickly turned to slush and then snow. I could feel my trail sneakers slip a little pushing up the hill, so I decided walking in the deeper snow would be safer. From then on, I never felt loose footing. I passed a few groups coming down the hill and got some looks, I'm sure with me not wearing any snow/winter clothing or shoes, but I continued on. I couldn't start and not see the falls.
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| Another waterfall along the trail |
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| The trail half way up |
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| Florida hiker |
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| The lower falls-old power plant at the top |
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| Town of Telluride in the middle of the mountains |
The views of Telluride were beautiful. The colors of the mountain really popped. The clouds in the distance threatened snow and I could feel the temperatures dropping.
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| Another waterfall I found... there is a heart at the top |
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| top of the falls |
Going back was all downhill so I knew it would be quick. My heart was happy because it was such a unique trail for me. I stayed in the deeper snow and kept watching my footing. I came to the next switchback and looked up and saw a heart on a big rock. I gasped as it was absolutely perfectly shaped, but then I realized theres no way that nature made it, someone had to of left it. I stopped and took some pictures, put the camera in my pocket, so happy. I took a step not looking at my footing and lost my balance, but seemed I was regaining it with the next step, but was no such luck. I remember thinking, 'it is okay, its just snow, you have fallen in snow before, just relax.' Except that wasn't the case. Right away, I knew it was wrong. I fell straight down, my left leg flying out in front of me, but my right leg stayed and my body went straight down. My right foot bent backwards. As soon as I landed, I whipped it back around and saw my ankle bone protruding out about the size of a baseball. I grabbed it right away and squeezed, thinking, 'you will not pop out of my skin!' I screamed. I screamed again because I felt it wasn't loud enough. I screamed again because I couldn't believe this was happening. And no one but the mountains responded. "NOOONOOONOOOOOO!" I yelled. Not knowing what to do, I sat there wondering how the hell am I getting out of here? I grabbed my phone without signal and dialed 911. Thankfully it still connected to them. A lady answered and I had to explain where I was. There was an SUV that was in front of me (4wheeler could drive on this trail). I kept asking her how soon they would be there, as I was getting weak holding my leg up. She asked if I wanted her to stay on the phone til they arrived and I said yes and that is when I finally started crying and telling her my Pink Feet story. "This can't be happening to me. I'm so close."
At that moment, two guys came skiing around the corner (they were not supposed to be). And I yelled out 'you scared the shit out of me!" Stash was the first guys name and as soon as he realized I was hurt and on the phone with 911, immediately took charge, grabbed the phone, and said that they will put me in their SUV and meet the ambulance at the bottom. The SUV was a good 200+ feet downhill and they had a hard time backing it up, sliding all over, and swerving towards the cliff.
As I'm watching them tying to figure out how to carry me, it starts to snow. It is beautiful. They asked if I could stand on my other leg. When I go to let go of my hurt ankle to try, the bone moves back in. Immediately the baseball is gone. I grab it again anyways and hold everything in place. We decide I will slide down on my butt to the SUV probably about 100 yards away now and they will lift me into the front seat. He asks me if I am cold and offers his jacket. I tell him I can't feel a thing. I must be in shock. The slide idea worked perfectly. I got in the passenger seat and see in the console, there is a heart rock! I kept repeating 'you have a heart rock! Why do you have a heart rock?! You have a heart rock!' Drew just laughed at me.
It was an extremely bumpy ride down. I could feel every single bump. Drew helped me with my breathing, trying to do more of a lamaze breathing, probably because I may have passed out. We even stopped and he poured water in my mouth. They kept me talking and of course I had to tell them my Pink Feet story.
We finally made it to the bottom and there was about 10 employees with the ambulance. 'Why are there so many people?!" Stash says "because its off season, you are the entertainment!"
Loading into the ambulance was a bit of a mess. One of the EMTs even hit my ankle with a pillow. I screamed out loud and started bawling again. Stash and Drew offered to drive my car to the hospital.... which literally ended up being like half a mile away. They gave me an IV and I think pain medicine. The EMT guy asked me what happened and of course I told him my Pink Feet story. He mentions it may just be a dislocation because its not swollen very much. We get to the hospital, I'm still holding my leg, and they take me straight to xray. As the nurse and the EMT guy looks at the xray, they ignore my question of if its broken. She starts to walk out and I ask again. She says the doctor will talk to me. The EMT guy stays by my side. I ask him and he shakes his head yes. I just start bawling. Why? I don't understand why this is happening. I was so close to finishing the 10 years of running a half marathon a month. 8 years, 8 months. This isn't supposed to happen. I have never been injured.
They wheel me back to another area for the doctor to talk to me and start a cast. He tells me its a bimalleolar break... basically 2 breaks; one on each side. Great. At this point I'm literally not even paying attention. I tell the 2 nurses and the doctor my story. No one has words. I say 'this is why you don't make goals in life.' One says, 'no this is why your goals are flexible.' I wanted to punch her. Even the doctor said, 'I'm sure someone will still donate while you are injured.' I wanted to punch him too. No one understands.
I kept repeating 'How am I supposed to get home?" They all said not to worry they will help me figure it all out. All of them amazed I was traveling alone to begin with. They were all so nice to me, especially the two nurses. Apparently the entire hospital is 'on call' during this off season and I was the only reason why they were there. The doctor found me a hotel, but I called the resort I was supposed to be heading to, Dunton Hot Springs. He immediately said they had a sister property in Telluride and would hook me up there. So thankful! The two nurses even drove my car, helped me into my hotel room, settled me in, and made sure the hotel rep, Kodi, knew she would need to take care of me as I am traveling alone and have no food and can not leave the bed.
Kodi was so nice. She let me talk her ear off what seemed like for hours. I told her my Pink Feet story, I told her about Drew having a heart rock, I even told her about Brett Eldredge (I don't remember why. The drugs had definitely kicked in). She brought me dinner. I barely ate.
She left me to rest, but I couldn't rest, I had to tell people what has happened.
I made a couple calls and told the story. I have now told the story about 5 million times. The tears are gone. Everyone is so upset for me and expecting me to be more upset. I am still in shock. But more focused on how I am getting home and all the calls I need to make tomorrow to rearrange things.
Nov 5, 2018-Rest Day
The hospital sent me home with Percocet and it didn't seem to work well. I woke up every half hour. Kodi thankfully picked up my prescription, which was oxycodone and let me sleep every hour instead of half. She also returned my car rental! I came out of the room and had breakfast with her. I was the only one in this 5 room bed and breakfast. I spent the entire day making phone calls and trying to find the best orthopedic surgeon. Thankfully at the last minute of the business day, I locked in an apartment with an ankle specialist that works with the Jags! Everyone I tell, they are so happy I got him! I finally eat the yogurt parfait that Kodi made me at breakfast.... it is to die for! Best yogurt Ive ever had ever. She told me the key was soaking. It had Greek yogurt, Varity of berries, Telluride granola, nuts, seeds. No sugar! But so sweet! <3
I slept with my door cracked and fireplace cranked. It felt like I was glamping. I'm extremely worried about how the flights will go.
Nov 6, 2018-Travel Day
I had to take a shuttle from Telluride to Grand Junction airport. I was the only one, so I had to pay double the price. Boo. But it actually ended up being cheaper than I expected. It was a nice luxury SUV and I got the last row to spread out on. Mountain roads are very bumpy.
We got to the airport and I had AA set up a wheelchair for me, however Grand Junction airport is so small, there was not a sky cap at the curb. Thankfully the driver was nice enough to go in, get the wheelchair, bring me in, make sure I was checked in with my luggage, and was in the hands of the porter before he left.
The AA rep took me thru TSA. They were all very nice, but I did have to do an extra pat down, and wipe down of me, the wheelchair (which was the airports!) and the crutches.
Thankfully the same lady that wheeled me to the gate, changed my seat for me (they were not very accommodating over the phone). I got a bulkhead seat right after First Class, and got the seat next to me open. It was enough space for me to elevate my leg. The second flight, I was lucky they moved some people and I got three seats open together so I could lay my leg out. I slept the entire way.
Cindy picked me up at the airport at midnight and took me to her house, as she would take me to the doctor just 7 hours later. I landed at home and the first thing I saw was my friend Toni created a Go Fund Me account for medical expenses. Completely shocked, blown away, that someone would do that. Not even myself has actually thought about how much this is going to all cost. I start bawling on the plane as every one is exiting the plane.
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| https://www.gofundme.com/help-pinkfeet-get-back-on-her-feet |
I'm not sure either one of us slept much, but I sure am excited to get in to see the doctor. Cindy wants to have breakfast, and I just don't. I haven't eaten much at all, all week. I eat it anyways, and damn, it was soooo good! I guess friends know better of what you need!
Mollys birthday is today and I feel bad I can't do anything. But it feels so damn good to have her snuggle me.
We see the doctor and as he looks at the xrays, right away he knows its a TRImalleolar fracture. ....THREE frickin breaks! And says that I need pins and a PLATE! ...What the hell is a plate? He wants to put what in there? Metal? All that metal? So I'm basically going to have a metal foot. How am I ever going to run? I tell him I'm a runner and he says I will run. He's not a very passionate man in his tone, so I feel a little confused. He keeps asking me if I have questions and I just don't know what to ask. Thankfully Cindy is there and asks some. Surgery is set in 2 days. They recast me, and man, it is SO much better than the last one! And so much lighter! The last one felt 10lb heavier.
I am so happy the surgery is scheduled so soon, but I quickly realized I have to cancel my Hunt for a Cure Scavenger Hunt. :(
Toni came over to visit.... she is picking up my car from the airport. It was nice to have company.
Cindy has been so good to me, shopping and cooking me healthy meals!
Nov 8
Kimmie comes over for a bit. She made a casserole for us. I'm sure Cindy is happy. She's been working so hard. It was good to have company.
Nov 9-Surgery Day
All of this time, I honestly don't know if Ive had any real break down yet, because I just keep focusing on what is next. I fall... how do I get help?...I'm rescued.... how do I get home to FL?....I'm home... how am I going to be put back together again?....I'm fixed.... how do I recover?....
And now its surgery day and, its all just like 'lets get it done.' Everything has been said or done light heartedly or with a joke.
Cindy goes with me, but they keep taking her away. Its a little moment of panic as it looks like an ER room. I undress right away into a gown. The nurses are super nice. I tell them my story. They are amazed and keep talking to me as they are prepping everything. I later hear one of the nurses walk away, tell another nurse my story. It makes my heart happy. But the I wonder, is she telling her because she's impressed/motivated or because she knows my running life is over?
The Anesthesiologist comes. He is a nonstop talker. He hears my story. Then he tells me he had to stop running himself and he's 54. Not what I want to hear.
They give me a nerve blocker. A shot in the sciatica that will numb my ankle/foot up to 40 hours. They have to flip me over onto my stomach. It feels so good once I am in position as I haven't been able to sleep on my stomach since the fall.
They wheel me into the operating room and there is Latin music blaring. The nurse even asked for them to turn it down. I start shivering. It is so cold. Like ice locker room cold. I can't stop shivering and shaking. They cover me in hot blankets. They move me over to the table and I just keep yawning. I can't stop yawning. I'm laying down and I see these amazing blue eyes. I have no idea who this guy is. He says nothing. I just stare into them, too tired to ask. I hear the anesthesiologist tell me I will be out soon, to take a breath. Then I remember Cindy telling me to think of the beach. And then I'm thinking 'wait, I don't know what to think-beach, running, or these amazing blue eyes.'
Everything is a blur until I'm back at the recovery area. Cindy tells me I had a panic attack waking up thinking I was still in Colorado.
They give me crackers... saltine, and graham... thank god,...I haven't eaten in 12 hours. They are so good. I want more. The surgery went quick and well. Recovery went the same. I remember the nurse wheeling me out and standing in front of me to block the sun. I tell her to look up Pink Feet.
Cindy is so good to me again. She picks up my new drugs, hydrocodone. It makes me sleepy. Got a pumpkin cupcake, donut, and homecooked casserole that Kimmie made.
Around 9p I start to get small contractions of sharp pain that come and go quickly. The nerve blocker shot can not be wearing off already!
NOV 10-RECOVERY DAY 1
I finally sleep an entire night. The nerve block has kept me from moving. So I was in the same position all night.
I wake up to a post of my Running Buddies friends in SFL that ran a race and they posed with hearts. <3 They are such a very sweet group of people. I find out Eddie has had surgery on his ankle as well. I'm learning that everyone likes to share their injuries once you tell them yours.
I felt so good I decided to make my own breakfast and let Cindy sleep in. Later, we even gave Molly a bath together.
But then around 10p the pain started and it was more constant. It felt like my foot was so swollen it was going to explode. But it was numb at the same time. Worried a bit, we started icing it, which helped the toes a bit. I start Googling, which freaked me out more about blood clots. But there is no temperature or color difference so I have to go to bed hopeful. Did I overdue myself today? I really hope the blocker is not wearing off already. Why does my body not like drugs? I feel like it always tries to purge them as quick as possible when every one else gets the lasting effects.
NOV 11-DAY 2 RECOVERY
I woke up in the worst pain yet. I literally feel like my ankle is being tourniqueted off. And now I'm back to crying. Is the medicine not working? Ive got to have more medicine. Theres no way I can keep this much pain. I call the doctors office and find out I can increase my hydro. Thank god. I take 2 and I am high as a kite. Well, this isn't good either. It just makes me stare and sleep. I think I took 100 five minute naps all day. I end up just taking 1 pill every 2 or 3 hours vs the 4 hr and that works better.
Cindys neighbor comes over with cake. She is such a cute little old lady that loves Molly and calls her a 'mess' because she is so spoiled. lol
NOV 12-DAY 3 RECOVERY
I absolutely love my spot where I sit at Cindys all day.
Constance comes to visit me for the day. Its good to have company and catch up with her. And she helps me wash my hair. The medicine has leveled out a bit and I'm feeling good.
NOV 13-DAY 4 RECOVERY
Im feeling good and the swelling has gone down. I'm able to make my own breakfast again, but it is so much work to stand on one leg. I really hope I am getting a good workout on these crutches! I sit down in my lovely picture window and notice that a Plumeria has bloomed.
Later, dads neighbor called and says she found him fallen on the floor. Not sure what to do since he's on the other side of town, I can't drive anyways, and I'm on drugs. I call the doctor once he's admitted and he says to wait. He is kept over night, they run every test possible, and they can not find a single thing wrong with him. I just don't know what to do. It doesn't make sense. NOV 14-RECOVERY DAY 5
Soooooo I havent pooped in over a day. And I woke up in pain. These opiods have really messed up my body. My brain has been hazzy, I'm tired all the time, and now everything is backed up. I have spent the entire day with every option possible to get it out. Options I did not even know existed! I'll save the details for my very closest of friends. You're welcome. But let me tell you this, never did I ever know the severity when someone said they were constipated! 38 years I have lived and never been constipated before!! The pain is worse than my foot! I will never again taking pooping for granted! lol I am sure Cindy did not know what she signed up for when she said I could stay here. She has been amazing. She bought $75 worth of shit supplies and listened me to moan and groan all day. LOL It has been a shitty 24 hours!
NOV 15-RECOVERY DAY 6
Days are really starting to blur and looking back, I don't know what day was what. I didn't taken any hydrocodone yesterday after that mess, and I felt fine, so I will try that today too.
I survived the day on just arthritis strength pain reliever and one oxycodone when the pain got a little sharp. I can finally cross my legs. I can finally lay on my side. These things i have missed so much.
Cindy made me wait til after work, but I FINALLY GOT A SHOWER!!! And boy did it feel good! We got a shower seat to assist and thankfully Cindy already had a handheld shower head. That really made things easier! I feel like a new woman.
Except now that theres not pain to focus on, Im finding myself replaying everything and having short breakdowns. I know that the full breakdown has yet to come and im wondering if it is waiting until i am home. I know i need to go home, i kinda want to, i kinda dont, not knowing how far i will fall with my thoughts. We got the doctors date wrong, thinking it was Friday and now its Monday. I dont know if that will make things better or worse.
I talked to dad and he is perfectly fine. We decided he probably fell on his kitchen rug and passed out a bit. He removed it now.
NOV 16- RECOVERY DAY 7
Well it seems I am on an every other day good/bad day routine. Today the bad day. Woke up to the every month problem that every woman deals with. Seriously, one should be able to have this skipped when recovery from surgery. My stomach as been in knots all day. And to make it worse, I took some Miramax and Durcalax thinking it was prevention of never ever again having to deal with what I did the other day, but its the complete opposite. So nausea, cramps galore. To top that off my foot has been asleep for half the day, which makes me worried because it could be a bad symptom of recovery. Or, it could just be the way I am sitting. Its amazing how the muscles in my right leg have already started to break down from sitting so much. So looking forward to tomorrow to be a better day.
It was the first day of real cold, so we had a fire!... another luxury of the Chateau Cin Cin! :)
NOV 17-RECOVERY DAY 8
Its so weird, my friend has also broken her foot the same week as me. She fell through her attic/ceiling and broke 4 metatarsals. Our surgery was the same day. Our follow up the same day. We have different doctors and different recovery plans, but its pretty cool we keep going through the same problems. She reached out to me this morning and asked if I was having breakdowns, which is funny because, like I mentioned a couple days ago, I have, but chalked it up to my period. But obviously all these drugs and recovery has made us a little coocoo. lol. Company is good in misery.
I keep having thoughts that I am being punished... everything that I have gone through thus far..are things maybe I did not have enough empathy over before. Maybe I haven't been so nice to my ailing dad, not knowing what to do. The level of pain that paralyzes you, constantly trying to remember did I take my pills, did I not take my pills?, the constipation from the opioids, the not being able to do the every day little things that you always do, even the difficult of taking a shower and getting dressed, the having to rely on someone to do things for you, not even being able to drive and run your errands. I mean I can't even get up my stairs and into my own house! One of the first things he said to me when I told him I broke my ankle is 'Now you will know how I feel.' I guess now I do. Have I really been that bad of a person? Is that why this is happening? Except, I will recover. This is temporary. I will heal.
Cindy tried to get me out of my funk by taking me to her secret sunset spot. Its definitely effort to get around on these crutches. The colors were beautiful.
NOV 18-RECOVERY DAY 9
Molly woke me up at 2a with a cough attack, coughing up cat hair balls I guess she found in the backyard. I halfway fell out of bed trying to take care of her and just lost it. And just stared at her helpless. I can't help myself, I cant help my dog. I cried for an hour until I could no longer breathe through snot and my head pounding.
I woke up around 9 but there was no way I was getting out of bed. I got on Facebook and everyone is all in the festive mood and places are doing their Christmas lighting events this weekend before even Thanksgiving. I just don't understand. Thanksgiving is its own holiday that should not be skipped. I mean, it may be one of the most important holidays we need these days. Its a day of Thanks. And we celebrate all other holidays more than just one day, so why are people not celebrating Thanks more than one day? We all need to slow down and appreciate where we are in life, what we have, who is with us. And maybe that slow down will make you realize where you 'need' to be in life, what you really should be 'giving' in life, and 'who' do you need to reach out to that needs help?
I stayed in bed til about 130p, on and off crying and sleeping. I finally got myself out of bed, mostly because my poor sweet dog had not left my side for 12 hours now sleeping. I made coffee, let out a few good screams (Cindy went out for the day to see a play) and made myself a nice hot 'bawther'??...(bath/shower since I can not stand in a shower right now). And it felt amazing. I need to get out of this funk.
The past couple days have been emotional and i think its because i have allowed myself to become stagnant and lost my sense of self. Wake up, have coffee in the big comfy chair, watch tv in the big comfy chair, blog in the big comfy chair, eat in the big comfy chair, go outside and play ball with the pup, back to the big comfy chair for more tv, go to bed, repeat. Its had to be a restful week, but i need some more ME in my life. Me involves life. Involves movement. Involves plans and goals and being one with nature, connecting to a higher level. So today after i dragged myself out of bed around 2p, i took my first shower alone, actually put in some makeup, and turned on some music. Music. Who knew my soul was missing music so much. Molly and I played ball for a couple hours just sitting outside and listening to the sounds. And then i grabbed the hand weights and did my first chair workout and worked up a sweat. A sweat NOT caused my crutches. But using my muscles. Feeling my body being strong again. And then i had pumpkin pie for dessert. Because its Thanksgiving week. And thats what you do. Thats what "i" do because i am "living" i am no longer allowing myself to be stagnant.
NOV 19, 2018-RECOVERY DAY 10-DOCTORS DAY!
FINALLY! We thought the doctor appointment was Friday, so having to sit through the weekend til Monday was a little difficult. The temporary cast was so ready to come off! That, and I want to know what my future holds, and see how my bones are healing! The doctor ended up not really doing much but putting me in my new (removable) boot that I will wear for the remainder of the healing...I guess I should name it? lol. I am still non weight bearing and elevated for 4 weeks. I am off the meds. Only take a Tylenol if needed. I asked about running in July (the Alaska running cruise) and he said yes, but 13 miles might be pushing it, but there really isn't a way to judge at this point. It is all about the healing and the rehab first. I'll take it..... for now.
After the appointment, we had a rooftop lunch. It was such a nice day out. And then found an absolute fantastic spot for sunset! (I almost didn't miss the beach!)
After sunset we went to the craft store to gather supplies to 'pimp out' my crutches. I have been off and on about the knee scooter. One, not sure that it will be covered by insurance because the doctor said no, but two, because I live upstairs and that would be a hassle, and my place is so small it may be easier just to use crutches. So really I would only use it going out, and if I'm just going out, then maybe crutches are good enough. Well, in the craft store, as the sweat starts pouring down as I search up and down the aisles for what I need, I realize this is a lot more difficult that I imagined. I suddenly was stopped by an employee and she asked if I wanted a knee scooter. Taken aback, I didn't know what she meant. She said she had one, used it before, but no longer need and was looking to get rid of it. Can we get a more clear sign that I need this thing? She did admit that she bedazzled the hell out of it but would give it to me for whatever I could afford. We left the store saying we would contact her. How absolutely amazingly sweet of her to stop and ask. People act so completely differently out there when they see you on crutches. First of all, its looks galore, but second, you kinda get annoyed on having to keep telling strangers how you did it and reliving the moment over and over, but then two, when people don't ask, like the waiter today, you get offended as well, like, what you don't have a care in the world about other people? I don't know. I'm sure I will have a list of dos/don'ts by the end of all this. lol.
Anyways, came home and had some goodies waiting for me from my friend! :) Yep. Today was a good day.
NOV 20-RECOVERY DAY 11-EMBRACE THE SUCK
Its time to accept.... these crutches are not going anywhere soon (I am still waiting for the doctor to figure out the insurance to cover a knee scooter, as it has to be deemed a medically necessary item.).... so its time to give these crutches a bit of Pink Feet personality! I spent the day watching movies and decorating my crutches. It was a nice relaxing day.
Ive got to name this big heavy boot too.... leaning towards Big Bertha! lol I get to take it off every now and again and do foot stretches. Its amazing how much my calf muscle has deteriorated and my flexibility gone in just 2 weeks.
NOV 21-RECOVERY DAY 12-
I'm thinking I may need to start counting down instead of up....25 days til the next doctors appointment...I'm hopeful I will be using the crutches less after that. Insurance is still being an ass regarding a knee scooter. My friend who is also dealing with a broken foot right now and has the same employer, got her insurance to cover her knee scooter right away. We both pay a premium but we have 2 different companies. It just doesn't make sense to me. Aetna is basically saying that I have to be missing an arm (not able to use crutches) for them to cover the knee scooter. Yes, I can just rent one, but that's the philosophy of it all. Our insurance in our country is ABSOLUTELY FUCKED UP! (sorry, not sorry). I'm giving it one more go around with the insurance before I pick up that girls scooter who offered the other day, or purchasing another
Other than that, its been another day of rest, watching movies. Ive watched the most movies ever this week than I have in the past 10 years!
NOV 22-RECOVERY DAY 13-HAPPY THANKSGIVING
13....Thirteen days since surgery..... the same number as the distance of a half marathon..... half marathon that I can no longer run. But I am not going to focus on that today, as today is Thanksgiving! And I am so blessed that Cindy has gone and picked up all our favorites to make today for us and dad....including pigs n a blanket! :)
We spent the morning watching The Macy's Thanksgiving parade and dog show, eating, drinking, and enjoying the day.... well, Cindy slaved away in the kitchen, (she wouldn't let me help). I took an Uber to bring dad a few plates of food. It was good to get out of the house and a little independent (as much as I can be at this time) and spend some time with him, looking at some old photos. I was worried about going into today, but it ended up just perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better day.
NOVEMBER 23-RECOVERY DAY 14
Well, the plan was to go home today, but the weather had another plan... well, the on/off/not sure if its really gonna come/but don't want to be in a downpour risk kept us at Cindy's. At least I'm packed up and ready for tomorrow. We also missed the full moon rise, and a Christmas tree lighting party. Sigh. It is what it is. Another movie day.
Having a boot cast is quite interesting. Condensation builds up in between the neoprene and foam of the cast....I'm sure that will cause for a lovely smell after several months of wearing this. My swelling has gone down tremendously. Theres an air pump on the boot to make sure it stays snug. I take it off every 4 hours or so to stretch out my foot. The doc said so I can have it as straight as my other foot, but the cast pretty much has taken care of that. But now, it can barely bend my toes. So I've been working on massaging and stretching them both ways. Its been 2 weeks since surgery. The stitches I guess should be falling off soon, but I still have a very hard time looking at it.
I also have a very hard time looking at my sneakers that I was wearing the day that I fell. I look at them in disgust and hatred as if they failed me. All I want to do is destroy them. Burn them, rip them up, yell and scream at them. lol. I know none of that will help, as this is just displaced aggression I am currently going through. I know it was all my decision, thus my fault that this happened, but I don't what to go down that alley with myself either because I know that is not right now. But someone, something has to be to blame. And right now its those damn shoes.
NOV 24, 2018-RECOVERY DAY 15-HOME SWEET HOME
There really is no place like home....until you realize that is where all your race items are....the medals on the wall, the pictures, the motivational words, the goals written out, the DONNA Marathon training plan in your calendar. Ugh. That one hurt. I literally had to erase 11 weeks of training that was already lined up in my calendar.
But I am home. Thankfully Sherri found a knee scooter I could borrow, so we picked that up on the way home. (Thank God! These crutches are an ass kicker!) Unloading the car was a bit of a hassle, as I live upstairs, and those wooden stairs are so old and decrepit. My landlord doesnt care. I have to go up and down on my butt for now, as it is the safest, since I can not put weight on my foot for another 3 weeks. We settled me in and had a celebratory dinner at a new restaurant. Was good to get out! Cindy dropped me back home and she left. I sat on the couch and looked at Molly (my pup) and said "we are home." Just the word "home" threw me into tears. Cindys place was absolutely perfect. I was completely spoiled (even if I wasnt injured, I would have been spoiled). But there is something about getting back to 'me.'
And 'me' included needing to see the beach. It was supposed to be a full moon (or mostly) so I had to go. I decided to try to take Molly for her first walk. We made it across the street, and I got to the bottom of the boardwalk to the sand and realized it is a steep ramp. It was a little damp out, so I didnt want to risk it alone. I stood there and bawled. There wasnt even a moon. It was cloudy. I was so close, but so far away. I could hear the waves but not see them. Molly started pulling me to my left, and I suddenly realized, the next entry to the beach was flat! So we hobbled over that way. I finally got to see my beach! Now, I am home.
It was effort to get back to my apartment. My wrists were killing me (even though I received the extra padding in the mail today). It had been a long day, so I settled into a bath and then bed. My bed. Was a little weird waking up to all my race memorabilia and my current DONNA Marathon goals staring back at me. I guess I am going to have to change those.
NOV 25, RECOVERY DAY 16-HOME ALONE
My first day at home alone.....I'm still exhausted from yesterdays 'moving back home.' Every little thing takes so much time and effort. Just the simple act of carrying a plate of dinner across the room. I mean, its nearly impossible on crutches! And theres a constant fear of falling and hurting myself even more. I have to keep reminding myself to do everything super slow and steady. I did manage to cook a good breakfast and do some laundry, but after that, it was relaxing on the couch and watching football!
Toni and Jeremy came over to help set up the knee scooter I borrowed! I can't wait to get rolling! We decided that since my apartment is so small, its best to use the crutches, and use the scooter when I go out. Plus it would be impossible for me to get the scooter up and down the stairs.
NOV 26-RECOVERY DAY 17-RAIN RAIN GO AWAY
Was a rainy day today so I was trapped in the house all day. I found out early crutches do not mix well with anything wet. Plus, since I have to go up and down my stairs on my butt, there was no way around a wet ass even after the rain stopped. So, no playing with the knee scooter outside today.
Ive mastered carrying dishes with crutches now.... I've found that I need to put all my food in tuberware, so I can put it in a bag to carry across the room to eat. I have bags in different areas that I can use for trash as well. Oh just the simplest task of throwing something away, that we take for granted! Every little thing is so much work.
I actually managed to vacuum a little (having a pup, hair is a constant battle), which was interesting. And I finally got to unpack my Colorado suitcase. I found my Garmin. The last distance recorded was the trail I fell on. The battery is dead, so I haven't looked at it yet, but my stomach is in knots just thinking about it.
I'm still so tired. I now have been jerking my leg in my sleep, which startles me awake and has me tossing and turning all night. I guess its some sort of restless leg syndrome caused by the surgery. It happened again on the couch today napping. Its such a strong jolt, it scares me that I did something wrong to my ankle. And then as the day went on, my leg muscles started spasming every now and again. Thankfully it hasn't done it as bad to lead to a charlie horse. I read that it means my nerves are being rewired/repaired from the surgery, so I guess this is good. The stitches on the left side have become really bothersome in the boot. Maybe they are ready getting ready to come off... hopefully.
NOV 27-RECOVERY DAY 18
Bbbbrrrr....cold cold and windy day today. I chickened out on using the knee scooter. One, because its cold, Two, because I'm a little scared of losing my balance and being alone, Three, I'm still so tired. I'm starting to wonder if now that I am home, I am dealing with all my regular stressors and not having a physical outlet. Work is being an ass already and I'm not even back to work yet. And all without a single care of asking how I am doing or how the recovery is coming along. I honestly just feel like a number, they are so transactional when speaking with me about my return.
I have this table that my friend Toni asked me to work on for her. A few years back I redid all my furniture with chalk paint, and I guess she liked it because now she is redoing a room and wanted the table chalk painted and asked me to do it. I was almost done right before I left for Colorado. I came home on crutches and knew the table needed to get out soon, as it is taking up space in my very small apartment. I sat down to it today and started working on it again. It felt so good to not only keep my hands busy but to clear my mind while doing so. I forgot how much I enjoy being creative. It has been too long. The finishing coat will be going on tomorrow or so, and I need to find my next project.
I picked up and ordered some essential oils to help with my healing. Wintergreen and Frankincense are supposed to be great additions to help after a bone break. Ive also increased my Calcium intake with daily vitamin, but will now and start taking SuperCal. My right thigh now is starting to get smaller as well. My ankle is not really swollen, but it still bigger than my left. I am reading that it may always stay bigger. It is so hard to not worry how my bones are healing.
NOV 28-RECOVERY DAY 19-WHAT DID I DO!??!
What's worse, accidentally squirting super glue into your mouth or standing up on your broken ankle??! Crap what did I do??! I was trying to take the cap off the super glue and it squirted in my mouth and scared me so I jumped up suddenly to go rush to the sink. My ankle (or boot) gave out and sat me back down, but there was definitely weight on it. A big No No at only 3 weeks post surgery! It throbbed for the rest of the night, so I was stuck back on the couch with it elevated. Thankfully it did stop and really the only thing that still hurts (and I hate to even use that word, because its really just more annoying or bothersome) is the stitches on the inside of my ankle. The boot just presses right on it. And my foot/leg can move around in there, with or without the air, so it is constantly being rubbed. SO ready for these stitches to be out! And I have no idea when that will happen. The doctor said they will just come out, but they don't seem to want to do anything but be annoying.
I did not get out of the house today. But I did put the final wax on the table I as working on for Toni. I got took a bath/shower, which takes fooooorrreeevver. Then I got a meal delivery service so prepared a really yummy dinner. Then watched the lighting of the Rockefeller Christmas Tree and got to see my man, Brett Eldredge! <3 :) OH and I spruced up my crutches a little bit more!
NOV 29-RECOVERY DAY 20-ITS BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS
Getting out of the house with friends is such a blessing! Tonight was Rockaway's Christmas Market (a garden nursery in the neighborhood). My friend Cathy and her mom picked me up and boy it felt good to socialize with people in the real world and I even got a hug from a complete stranger! There were a ton of vendors to shop and everyone wanted to know what happened (I still haven't perfected my storytelling yet) and they also all shared their own injury stories, which can be a little frustrating, but looking back, I guess its good to hear and see other people survived the process!
I managed getting around on the crutches for a couple hours and everyone loved the decorations! I even managed to find a perfect sized Christmas tree for my small apartment! I guess its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!
Afterwards we went to a local wine bar and laughed at some karaoke! I didn't realize until I sat down how sore my good leg was! It is amazing how much work crutches can be! It was totally worth even bit of it, to get out of the house and feel somewhat normal again!
NOV 30-RECOVERY DAY 21
How is it possible for the days to go by so fast when you have absolutely nothing to do? Yet when you are at work, they drag on forever? I can not believe an entire work week went by so fast without me working!! I guess its because everything little thing takes so long to do. I just can not believe how fast this month has gone by! ...this weekend will already by 4 weeks since my injury! I guess I should be happy and pray that it continues to go by fast, so then I will be walking again sooner than I know it!
I did manage to get out of the house today on my own, played with the knee scooter a little (I still need to rig something up because it is SO uncomfortable with the air pressure portal right on my shin). Then took Molly for a walk on my crutches to the beach entrance. I still have to go 1 block further than my normal, because I am unsure of the steep ramp, and let me tell ya, it is a fricking workout! I was sweating my ass off just to go 2 blocks. And my wrists.... man, I hope I am not damaging my wrists on these crutches! The city is doing a beach replenishment, so I couldn't stick my feet (well, foot) in the sand even if I wanted to because it was blocked off. One of these days ill be able to get out there and sit again.
I found out that my landlord will be replacing my old wooden stairs at home! This is long overdue, so I am super excited I won't have to be scared of falling (and worried for my visitors!).
I had no problem falling asleep on the couch (I was exhausted!) but after I moved to the bed, all I could think about was the hearts on the trail in Telluride. None of it makes sense. Why was there a heart in the snow at the exact spot I would fall and break my ankle? And why oh why was there a heart rock inside Drew's car as they rescued me? These are things you don't see often and no way it could be just a coincidence! It just doesn't make sense. I mean it would be one thing if we were supposed to fall madly in love and live happily ever after. What a great romance story that would be?! But it didn't work out that way. I did text him, but the exchange was short on his side. :( So if that wasn't it, what is it supposed to mean???????
DEC 1-RECOVERY DAY 22-TRAPPED
Rainy days are the absolute worst! Crutches are horrific on any type of wet surface, slipping out from under you and making you knock your injured leg or worse, rebreaking it! Rainy days on the weekend is even worse. Here you have waited all week long alone while everyone else works, then the weekend comes and everyone is off, but no one wants to drive in the rain. Events are cancelled because of weather. Or events that are still going on rain or shine, you can't go, because well, you stuck one crutch outside the door and it instantly slipped. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!
Every type of emotion has gone through me today making it just an absolute shitty day. You ever just get in such a bad moon you don't even like yourself?! I hate for this to be just a complaining blog, but well, lets me honest, I guess this is part of the process, and I too will get through it. But for now, I need to let it out.
Its raining, so I'm trapped inside and going stir crazy. Ive knocked my foot for the third time and these damn stitches on the inside ankle will not quit throbbing. Its been 3 weeks since surgery and everything I read says they are supposed to be gone, but the tape is on there good still and the doctors nurse I left a voicemail for, never returned my call, so now I have to wait til Monday (gotta love run on sentences when you are angry). I am missing the 2nd Christmas Lighted Boat Parade of the season (1st one, I was too busy moving back into my apartment). This is my tradition. Every year. I was okay missing the first one (still not excited) because I knew there would be another. Now its raining and no one wants to take me! My one friend is sick, the other doesn't want to drive in the rain, and another wants to hang out with her boyfriend. I can't afford to take an Uber 20 minutes or so away and even if I did, its unsafe alone, as like I said before, one crutch out my door and it already slipped! My (brand new) hand held shower head broke and now I can't even get the old one back on or fix the new one. I can't get my Christmas decorations box down and start decorating. I'm so used to doing everything myself. Going places by myself. And its just absolutely driving me crazy that I can not. I'm just so tired of everything being so difficult, taking so long to do. Just getting a glass of water is effort. I'm tired of feeling exhausted and mad and just stuck.
DEC 2-RECOVERY DAY 23-STILL TRAPPED
So I woke up with it still being wet from the day before but thought 'oh it will dry out.' Then it rained. And it wasn't even a wash out or all day type of rain. Oh no. Just enough rain to keep everything still wet for the entire day. So frustrating. There are rain guard crutch tips I could buy, but they want $60 for them!!!! And it will take 3 days to get here. Another cheaper company said it would arrive by Christmas. Are you kidding me people?! I get that there are disabled people that use crutches their whole life and maybe they don't have an issue with that. But for people just injured and will be recovered in so many weeks, I can't just sit around for delivery. It baffles me that there is not an easier and quicker way to get supplies. It baffles me even more that the doctor doesn't just hook you up with the items that protect you, not just the cheapest models possible.
I already knew that Monday is supposed to be an all day rain event, so now with Sunday being wet, I am literally stuck in the house for 3 days! It just put me in the most foul of moods. Its so annoying, I'm literally annoying myself not being happy. I have to get out of this depression and attitude before I get back to work. I need to start focusing again on things that I can do. Things that can make me happy. I need to get off the internet so much and be more productive.
So, I started working out. I figured out how to get myself down on the ground to do ab work and then used the dumbbells to do some seated weights.
DEC 3 RECOVERY DAY 24-RAINY DAY 3
OK, so rainy day 3 wasn't as bad as I thought..... at least I didn't cry and bitch all day. Toni stopped by with lunch which was nice to splurge on chips. Ive been trying to keep my diet pretty clean. I want to do everything possible inside and out to speed up this recovery. Although I saw a commercial last night (no idea what it was for) and it basically made it clear that nothing can be perfect. I know this. But I have always been the one to try to make everything go perfectly smooth.... which I've realized I'm trying to control this healing too. It is scary not knowing how the bone is healing. I want to say it is doing great, because I don't have any pain, but it is INSIDE my body....I have NO idea!! I just have to have faith that I was healthy before the injury and trust that my body can handle it and recover.
I also finally looked at my Garmin and the Telluride hike... aka the dreaded day I fell. 1 month from the fall already. The hardest part looking at it was it actually 'plays' the route and because I didn't turn off my Garmin until after I was at the hospital, it replays the entire thing. Its interesting though. I thought after I fell and called 911 that the ambulance took forever to reach me, but the times show differently. Those minutes are insane just sitting there helpless and waiting and I can't imagine the pressure those people feel being rushed to help others.
I did another workout today and think I will start recording them. Its a lot easier to get down on the floor now that I've figured it out between the couch and table, so I can expand my exercises a little. Still only upper body, as if I move my boot too much, I can still feel the inside ankle stitches.
Workout-15lb dumbbell single arm
Weighted crunches-95
bicep curls-3 sets of 10
Overhead triceps-2 sets of 10
Overhead press-3 sets of 10
Bent lat rows-2 sets of 10
Flys-2 sets of 10
Underhand rows- 2 sets of 10
Bench press- 2 sets of 10
Healing
Calcium Supplement
MegaCal
DEC 4 RECOVERY DAY 25-BEST DAY EVER
I went into today knowing it was going to be a good day, because the rain had passed and it was going to be beautiful outside and I had plans to get myself out and socialize at a bingo event.
Little did I know how good of a day it was going to be.
Constance text me first thing and wanted to take me out to Trader Joes and lunch. We sat outside to eat at Poes and it was absolutely perfect weather in the sunshine! I really needed that Vitamin D! Unfortunately I did find out that they are not a very accessible place when you have to go to the bathroom!! There were 3 steps to get up there. I stood there a while and hesitated. Actually I was thinking to myself 'how in the world do they not have a ramp? What people in a wheelchair can't go to the bathroom here??!' I almost said forget about it and turned back, but then said 'No, I'm going to have to tackle stairs eventually!' I cleared the first one, then hesitated a bit, got inside my head, and then lost my balance and fell forward. Yep, I fell UP the stairs. I'd like to think it was a nice graceful fall (not hitting my boot). The bartender came and rescued me. LOL Coming back down them I was really scared, but I used the handrail inside of one of the crutches and I feel like that helped me feel more 'grounded.' (bartender also helped me on the return)
We then tried my knee scooter out at Trader Joes. Its really annoying that my boot has the air pump right on my shin where I am supposed to be pressing down on the scooter. We tried a few positions with the piece of foam I have, but by the end of the loop around the store, my shin was killing me. I need something thicker. Everyone was looking at me which was funny but also annoying. But one employee even came up and said 'Good job on still looking good while injured!' LOL It did feel good to do my hair and makeup and put on a top other than a sweatshirt. I'm still stuck in leggings,.... but I'm not complaining about that! (yet)
I then decided to go to a charity event with Toni instead of the Bingo by myself. On the way, I got to see the sunset (which I haven't in about 2 weeks). It was such a fun time and I'm glad I went. But boy was I exhausted from all the running (no pun intended) around.
Ive been putting on coconut oil and Wintergreen around my ankle and on my foot about every other day. I am still waiting for my Frankincense to arrive. I also decided to add the crystals that I found in Arkansas when I ran my State 33. ;) I did it more of a 'it can't hurt' kind of thing, but I was shocked when I placed it down in between my two scars and my toes started to twitch a little on their own. My toes have become very stiff from wearing the boot all the time. I have to massage them and bend them with my hand to keep the circulation going. When I try to do it on their own, they have definitely lost the range of motion.
Oh, and I also tried to get in a weights workout, but got interrupted with a fabulous call! The DONNA group is trying to partner with Brooks Rehabilitation to get me into a wheelchair so I can do the Marathon! Whhhaaaaaatt??!! Can't wait to learn more!
Workout-15lb dumbbell singlearm
Biceps 30
Overhead press 30
Bent Last Rows 45
Healing
-Extra Calcium supplement
-Coconut Oil and Wintergreen massage around the ankle and on the foot/toes. Manual movement/bending of the toes
-Added a crystal on top of the ankle as it was elevated
DEC 5-RECOVERY DAY 26-WHY YESTERDAY WAS BEST DAY EVER
So yesterday Amanda from The DONNA called me and told me I need to speak with Brooks Adaptive Sports and Recreation, that they can hook me up with a chair and train me to race it for the marathon? Say What?! I don't understand. How? And How much? Because we all know I can't afford anything right now! Well, those questions got answered today when I called and spoke with them. And its all True!
They have a program to help get disabled out to socialize and be active! They have vans that even pick people up to take them to the events. They have a variety of sports for them to participate in and social activities and support groups. They will let me decide on the type of wheelchair I want and loan it to me to train and use for the marathon. They think I have plenty of time to still train. Still in disbelief, my next question is-what about me not being permanently disabled? Will it be weird for me to use a wheelchair at that point, and they said no. They work with all lengths of disability. And all of this is through sponsors and donations, that is how it is free! :).
This is so exciting and unheard of! Why have I never heard of it before? And why with all the searching I was doing on how to get a wheelchair to race, this never popped up? I can't wait to get started, train, and share my journey!
So basically all I need now is for my xrays to show that I am healing right on track (or better would be nice too!) and get the all clear from the doctor that I can maneuver around in a chair and start training!! 11 days til xrays seems to long!! I can't wait to be active again!
More information on the program can be found here https://brooksadaptivesportsandrecreation.com/
Besides that, it was a calm day for me. My leg (not just my ankle) was a little swollen all day. I never had to put any air into my boot, which concerned me, so I tried to rest it as much as possible. I did manage to go downstairs (on my butt) and play ball with the pup for a little bit. Other than that, I'm still so tired from yesterday. I had planned to go to a Bingo event at a local brewery, but decided against it. Have to listen to the body and rest when it calls for it!
Workout-15lb dumbbell
3 sets of 10 each arm
Bicep
Overhead press
Flys
Bent lat row
Underhand row
2sets of 15-overhead triceps extensions
1set 10 each arm-tricep kick back
3sets of 15
Bench press single arm
5 sets of 15
Weighted crunch
Healing
Golden Milk
MegaCal
Coconut Oil massage of leg and foot
Manual movement of toes and movement on own
Frankincense around ankle
DEC 6-RECOVERY DAY 27-TIRED OF BEING TIRED
The energy I had before is nonexistent. Every movement is so exhausting. I wake up tired, I move around the day tired, I go to bed tired. I'm getting over 8 hours of sleep, so its not that. I do know I toss and turn because of the boot, but I don't know if it is more than usual. When I don't have enough energy to just get myself out of the house, we know there is a problem. Its been 2 days now of not leaving and it is supposed to rain this weekend, so I must find the energy tomorrow to get out and about.
My neck, palms, wrists, good foot, glutes on my good leg, and hip flexor on my bad leg are all killing me from using the crutches and holding my leg up constantly with this 5lb boot (I've yet to weigh it, but it feels like it). I don't feel sorry for myself for having to do every little thing myself, but instead i feel angry. Like so angry I want to yell and scream. My friend that also broke her foot, just posted she took off to the Caribbean!! WHAT?! But she had her boyfriend (and all the staff) to wait on her hand and foot (literally) and carry her around. I want to go on vacation and be waited on! Even at home, she has her sons to help. I want to say 'ITS NOT FAIR!' Why am I alone going through this? But I know that jealousy and anger don't look good on anyone, so I must accept that is her journey, and this is mine. I must recognize the feelings and then let them go and find my own joy. Easier said and done when my joy is just managing to carry a glass of wine across the room without falling or dropping it! lol
I finally started decorating the Christmas tree.... well, I at least go the lights and star on top! I absolutely love Christmas lights!
I was doing so well on my diet last month, and this week theres been a bit of slacking, so I managed to cook myself a healthy dinner despite being so irritable from being tired. Accomplishments do make the day feel better.
Workout-Rest Day
Healing-Calcium Supplement, Coconut oil bath, Frankincense massage around ankle
DEC 7-RECOVERY DAY 28-I HATE EVERYONE....OK, MAYBE I JUST HATE MYSELF
Having to rely on others for your happiness is a quick path to unhappiness. I know this. So why do I allow myself to get mixed up in those feelings? Oh yea, because I really am limited on my abilities now with this injury. I keep trying to remind myself it is not permanent. I will be back to myself again. But it doesn't matter. I am still so angry right now. Not really that this happened. I think I have accepted the fact it happened. I still would like to know why, but that too, I understand I may never know.
I'm just so angry that people really don't know how to help others, or if they do, they just dont. Expectations, another root of evil, I know. But I never ask for help, and the few things that I have, I feel like the person feels just so inconvenienced to do even the smallest task. What happened to the day where people wanted to help because it made them happy? They wanted to help because that is the right thing to do. Love they neighbor. Treat people the way you want to be treated.
I know people have their own lives and those come first, and I also know that I have always been someone that has kept to myself, never socializing much, always working weird hours or traveling out of town, maybe not extending my circle of friends large enough, maybe not engaging with my neighbors enough. So maybe it is my fault that I chose a quiet life, that I too must deal with this injury alone. I chose this life.
I grew up very quiet and what I thought was shy. What does shy even mean? Why don't we call it what it really is. As an adult, I've learned its more of a social anxiety that I deal with daily. How is that possible you ask? You travel solo, you do so much with your running and charity..... Yes. But that does not mean that I do not have sickening feelings as my stomach goes into knots, I start sweating profusely, my face turns red, I start hyperventilating and get weak, and I procrastinate making that phone call or walking through that door, or going up to a stranger and starting a conversation.... or asking for help. Do I usually end up making the leap? Yes. Is it agony leading up to it? Yes. So, for the most part I have avoided everything possible that causes those feelings. Which means less dates which leads to be single, and less friends which leads to me sitting here struggling with this injury alone. So maybe I'm not really so angry at everyone else, maybe I am just so angry at myself.
This blog is really taking a dark turn, but I promise I will make it through this! I know that this is a process. Life is not always easy for anyone. We all have our valleys and mountain peaks. I too will make it back up that mountain to see that beautiful view!
So, I forced myself out of the house today, as it is supposed to rain all weekend. I played with the knee scooter to try and rig it so the knobs on my boot do not dig into my shin. I was struggling a bit for a while. One neighbor watching me from a distance and doing or saying nothing to me. Another neighbor coming straight to me, knowing something was wrong, and hugging me and letting me bawl on her shoulder. It was the hug that I really needed. A true two armed hug that lasts more than 2 seconds. So long, I even tried pulling away and she wouldn't let me. And she even gave me another one as she left, the same way. I really needed it. She also helped me tape up the pillow on the scooter.
Me and the pup scooted a couple blocks to go see the ocean. This is the second time Ive used the scooter and I don't see how it is any better than crutches. They are both purse misery, completely unsafe, and I don't see how there isn't better advancements with these type of things. I will give it another shot if it doesn't rain, but at this point I almost want to say, just put me in a. wheelchair!
WORKOUT
Cardio-4block walk/scoot to beach
Healing-Calcium
DEC 8-RECOVERY DAY 29-TIRED OF THE WOE IS ME
Yea there are a lot of days I sit around alone and think about all the things I can not do because of this injury and without someone living with me to help. But seriously, who wants to constantly be in a bad mood? Its not fun. So, sometimes you have to say 'yea, that can't happen right now, but THIS can!' Instead of focusing on what I am missing and what I can't do, lets focus on what I can.
So today I worked on the knee scooter a little more. I added a cloth inside the boot where the air portal is, and the neighbor helped me tape up the pillow a little more to make it more sturdy. I also dropped the handlebars down which helped with the arms. I then scooted me and the pup to go see the ocean. It definitely felt better, still not perfect, but better. I figured out how to sit on the scooter so me and the pup just sat there for quite a while. If I had thought to bring a backpack cooler, I would have stayed even longer! LOL. Still feeling good, we decided to go explore in the other direction and see if any of the beach access had a less of an incline and no stairs. We went about 3 blocks, but no such luck. I decided scooting in the bike lane is way better than the sidewalk cracks, dips, and bumps.
I then decided that since I was missing the 3rd (and last) lighted boat parade of the season because no one wanted to drive me, or they were out of town, or had other plans, and I couldnt afford paying an Uber that far, that I would make my own parade! I decided I would do the new Jacksonville Beach Tuk Tuks called Go Tukn! They have a Christmas light tour which takes you through the beaches community to see lights! You meet at the Deck the Chairs, which was perfect because I had not seen those displays yet either. (Deck the Chairs is a fundraiser for the Volunteer Lifeguard Station. Different companies and organizations decorate their own lifeguard stand with Christmas lights!) So I packed up a thermos of champagne, put on my Santa gear, and ordered a free Beachside Buggies ride. As soon as I got out at the Deck the Chairs, I saw the Run DONNA stand! :) Walking around on the crutches, I had at least 3 little kids tell me 'Hello' or 'Merry Christmas.' Taken aback I realized kids have such an innocence to them, most of them never seeing someone on crutches before. Then a woman even came up to me and asked if I was okay. It is really awesome when strangers still reach out to someone they don't even know to see if they can help! I walked through about a quarter of the displays, bought a cookie at the goodies stand, chatted with some lovely volunteers, and met my driver, Steve.
Despite having a minimum purchase of 2 tickets online (I did an adult and a child), the tour was well worth it! Especially for someone like me that just needed to get out of the house, get some fresh air, and do something that makes me happy! My driver Steve was a nice man and chatted with me the entire way! He bundled me up with big furry blankets and turned on the heated seats! I even got to prop up my leg. Christmas carols played as we drove through the neighborhoods and I waved at everyone who was like 'what is that?!' The open air tuk tuk was a fun way to get out and see the lights! The carts hold 6 people, but I would recommend 4, as the person in the middle seat may not see the lights as well. The Christmas lights tour is 1 hour. They also have pub crawl tours and do private events! I think this is a great addition to the beaches, and I can't wait to go again! If you take a picture with their display at the Deck the Chairs and post it on social media, you get 50% off your tour! (check out their Facebook page for details)
Steve dropped me off at my door step. I was exhausted from my adventures today, but so happy that made it out!
WORKOUT
Cardio-10 block walk/scoot
HEALING
Calcium supplement
Coconut oil bath
Wintergreen massage on leg/around ankle
DEC 9-RECOVERY DAY 30-
So today was supposed to be a rainy day, but thankfully, it cleared up by noon and dried up enough by late afternoon for me and the pup to get outside and go scootin! Still playing around with making the knee scooter comfortable at the air port knob on my shin, I think I finally have it figured out! I found a piece of foam to stick inside my boot and still use the travel neck pillow taped up on the seat. We sat and watched the ocean for a while and saw a couple dolphins! Dolphins symbolizing protection, I saw it as a sign everything will be okay. And I know it will. Even if not the first or second time trying... it will eventually be okay.
Other than that, I finally decorated my little Christmas tree and did a little cleaning (I've mastered the vacuum on crutches, changing the bed sheets was a little cumbersome, laundry is pretty easy, Ive yet to figure out how to mop and scrub the tub-and my showerhead is still broken, dishes are pretty easy in my small kitchen) But boy is it exhausting and takes three times as long because I have to take breaks. The bottom of my good foot is sore and I'm worried with my high arch could easily develop plantar fasciitis putting all this weight on it. I have to keep reminding myself to wear a sneaker (as I am a total beach girl who is always running around barefoot or in flip flops). My palms/wrists are very sore as they bare the weight as well. Incredibly my entire right leg is sore, despite me not even using it. Is this because I can feel my leg deteriorating??? I feel like the boot is getting heavier and heavier lifting it. But we are 1 more week til xrays and I am really hoping that it will be solid and time for me to start putting more movement in the leg. I have no pain in my ankle and I feel a little bit better every day. I still jerk my ankle every now and again in my sleep, mainly when I am sleeping on my back, but even then, there is no pain anymore. The inside of my ankle where the 2 screws are burns every now and again still, but it is less and less. I thought it may have been the stitches site or the tape that was pulling, but it still burned after I took off the tape yesterday. But it is getting better and I feel good that it is healing right.
WORKOUT
15lb dumbbell
4 sets of 15
Weighted sit ups
3 sets of 15
Weighted crunches
Weighted table top crunches
4 sets of 10
Bicep curls
3 sets of 10
Bench press
Overhead press
2 sets of 10
Laying lat pulls
Flys
lat rows
HEALING
MegaCal
Coconut oil bath/massage
Wintergreen essential oil around ankle/foot
DEC 10-RECOVERY DAY 31-JUST DO IT
Sometimes you just can't wait around for someone and you just have to do it yourself, even if it is more than you would ever spend. I took a Lyft to 2 stores today (within my beaches community) for $28...that even included promos and credits. Ugh. Its torture how much they want to charge to go such a short distance! I don't know how people who don't drive their whole life! How do people afford this? But I sucked it up, got into the car and enjoyed the ride. I had ordered some things online a few days ago at a couple stores, thinking I would have a ride eventually, or if not, then I could finagle one single ride at a cheaper price to run all the errands. Didn't work out as planned. The first driver didn't even speak English, so that wasn't going to work. Then I decided to take a break and went scooting to the beach with the pup. I almost didn't even go back out because I didn't want to spend money on a driver again, but I had some coupons and thought maybe some shopping would make me happy!
I picked up some Christmas gifts and some goodies for myself. At the second stop, I had the driver leave me as there were 2 stores side by side I wanted to shop. Boy, they were a little more than side by side and that walk just about broke me on crutches! Good thing the second store had chairs for me to sit in and take breaks! At this point, I kind of wish I had a wheelchair than crutches!
I was pretty happy with my finds, and was making my way back to the 1st store that was holding my packages and to call a driver to take me home, when all of a sudden, Cindy walks out of the store! How crazy I run into her of all people on the beaches side of town, but boy was I happy! She not only drove me home, she made another stop for me to pick up another package and then carried all my crap upstairs! So sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and then people will come into your life at the right moment for everyone.
A sign a saw while shopping- 'Happiness is a form of Courage'
Quite frequently I wonder why it is so hard to be happy. Happiness may not always be my original first response to a lot of things. I bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself. But then I mentally (and sometimes physically) force myself to think of the positive; think it could be worse and be grateful with what I have and where I am. Sometimes its a struggle and you don't believe yourself. But you keep reminding yourself. That is the courage. To stand up again the negative thoughts and say toady I chose to be happy.
WORKOUT
Cardio-Christmas shopping on crutches! :)
HEALING
Calcium supplement
Wintergreen massage around ankle
DEC 11-RECOVERY DAY 32
Today I was determined to scoot my way across A1A to buy some stamps so I could mail out some Christmas and Thank you cards, and to finally pick up my jacket I left at the Rockaway Nursery that I left almost 2 weeks ago now. Using the road is so much better than the sidewalk on the knee scooter. My left hand and shoulder still hurt as I am constantly pushing down on the handlebar on that side when I lean on my knee to counterbalance everything. I made it inside Publix and instantly felt a sense of accomplishment and normalcy. I could walk (or scoot) around a grocery store myself and not have to shop online for groceries! Too bad the only thing I could think I needed was stamps and wine! LOL. I wanted to give the cashier a high five, told her it was my first time scootin across A1A, and she just didn't get it. Feeling misunderstood again, I wasn't going to let it stoop me from being happy! I had a bit of freedom!
Getting back home, I also got my mail by myself for the first time too (on my butt but it will do!) and I will no longer rely on the neighbor after he complained about such an easy task.
Molly and I did our daily visit to the beach and I saw a couple out on the sand at the end of the handicap mat, one man using a rolling walker. Jealousy wanted to creep in, as the man had someone with him to make sure he kept his balance on the very unsteady sand under the mat. But I found that feeling hard and it turned to awe to witness such sweetness. I too will make it down the end of that blue mat one day!
After a little bit of rest, I decided I would scoot my way down to the Beaches Art walk. It was a little more taxing that I imagined as most of the downtown Jax Beach sidewalks are completely brick. It was a bumpy ride and my knee was killing me by the end of it, but I got to socialize with a few people so that was nice.
I honestly am caught in a catch 22 with my emotions. When strangers look at me and then quickly act like they are not looking, or if they do make eye contact, they don't mention anything at all about my injury/boot/crutches/knee scooter. Its as if they just want to treat me like I'm normal, and not hurt. And I just wanna say 'you don't understand how difficult this is! Nothing about this is normal. I am not normal right now! Feel my pain!' I just want to be treated with empathy. And then theres the ones that have the empathy and ask me what happened, I tell them, and right away they have their own injury story to tell. I just want to say, 'this isn't about you right now, its about me! You don't know me. This isn't just an oh you will be ok situation. This is kinda a big deal. I am a Runner! And not just any Runner! My entire life has been put on pause and is a big question mark!' I guess I just feel so misunderstood by everyone.
It was a pretty exhausting day, but I am not in any pain any longer, and I can tell every day I am healing more and more, and now I've noticed my appetite has completely returned. I haven't been able to get a true sweat in yet as my movements have been slow and limited, trying not to shake around my boot/ankle. My upper body was tired from all the scootin, so I focused on abs tonight, and then I ate pie. LOL. Such is life.
WORKOUT
15lb weighted sit ups-110
Weighted Russian twists-50
Crunch-60
Table top crunch-60
Biceps-30
HEALING
Calcium supplement
Golden Milk
Wintergreen/Coconut oil massage around ankle
Crystals on ankle
DEC 12-RECOVERY DAY 33
It is starting to phase me that the amount of depressed days that I have may directly correlate to the lack of running. I keep saying I do not miss running, surprisingly, yet, but maybe my mind does. Or any type of sweat session besides just using crutches. And to top that off, this is the first month in 8years and 8 months that I have not had a race trip/vacation planned.
I get depressed about not feeling understood on how big of a deal this is, especially being alone. Obviously its not a big deal, because people break bones every day. But it is a big deal. I feel like my weakness in life is being strong. I have always been a strong, independent, proud woman and made it very well aware that I do not need someone to do something. That I can do it myself. But now in my time of need, all I desperately want is for people to reach out, ask me if I need help, ask me if I am okay, or just do it because they know its so hard for me to admit I need help.
It was a difficult day, and I did not do much, but I did force myself out of the house to go play bingo at a local brewery so I could socialize a bit. I came home just as depressed. But tomorrow is another day and we will try again.
WORKOUT-NONE
HEALING-Calcium supplement, MegaCal, Frankincense aroma therapy
DEC 13 RECOVERY DAY 34
My ankle is feeling so well today. I almost feel like I could just stand up and walk. My toes wiggle more and more. I don't feel like it have to be so gentle moving my leg around. It doesn't throb when it is not elevated. Sleeping is now the most difficult thing. I still kick my leg if I am lying on my back. It scares me awake and I do feel a little pain at first but then it quickly goes away. If I lay on my side, my arms fall asleep, constantly leaving me tossing and turning.
It was an on and off again drizzly day. Toni came and took me out to lunch before it all started, which was nice and I got to use coupons. Coupons is actually something I miss! I know, I amuse even myself. I am not a big online shopper and hate paying unnecessary fees of delivery or tipping when it could be an easy trip to the store.... with a coupon! lol It felt good to get out. The only other thing I was able to do was get the mail on my knee scooter and take the long route around the block with the pup. Then we got caught in the rain. So the rest of the day we had to spend inside. Which was fine, it had been a while since I got a good weight lifting session in.
I also got a call from First Coast News (Amanda at The DONNA warned me they would contact me). They want to add me to their 'Why I Run' series they do every year for The DONNA Marathon and focus on me using the racing wheelchair instead of just not participating! I am so excited to bring the motivation, encouragement, and just plain acknowledgment of this program with Brooks Adaptive Sports and Recreation! It is so exciting! I cant wait to get started! Doctors appointment is on Monday and I just need the all clear to start training!
WORKOUT-15lb dumbbells
Single arm bicep curls-5 sets of 10
Single arm T raises-5each
Overhead Press-3sets of 20
Lat rows-3 sets of 20
Flys-3sets of 20
Underhand Rows-3sets of 10
Weighted Crunch-3sets of 20
Bench press-3sets of 20
Sit Ups- 3sets of 20
HEALING
Calcium supplement
Golden milk
Coconut oil, lavender, eucalyptus bath
Wintergreen around ankle
Frankincense aroma therapy
DEC 14-RECOVERY DAY 35-AN EARLY CHRISTMAS
Christmas arrived a little early this year. As I was sitting in the house because of the rain, I got a text from Cheryl asking to go to lunch. Super excited right away that someone actually wants to get me out of the house then super bummed when I realized I can't because of the rain. Not only can I not get down the stairs (I have to go on my bum) But the crutches turn into ice skates when they hit any water. Even if we took the knee scooter, id have to use the crutches some, and the forecast was at 100%. I ended up saying it was too risky of a day. Maybe after we see the xrays on Monday. Either way, I was super happy that I was at least asked!
Then, as I as working on Dads' Christmas gift, Michelle text me she was dropping by. Say what?! OK! She came baring a care package for me including cash... which, how messed up is my mind, the first thing I ask is if it was a donation (for Donna breast cancer marathon) and she tells me its for me to help with what I need! She stayed for a while and we chatted up a storm. It felt really good to have company and be somewhat normal! She even brought me my mail which had my present from dad, which of course I had to open early because this week I just need all the happiness I can get. Later, I received a Lyft gift from Constance! Boy, all the friends came around today! lol It made me a feel a little bad having such negative thoughts feeling so lonely earlier in the week, that no one cared, and wondered if I really had any friends at all. I did feel the love today and I appreciate every one of them.
I spent the rest of the evening reading about Bad Girls Throughout History, holding my new glass 'Keep Calm and Fight On' which gave me a little inspiration, especially the quote from Diana Nyad 'Find a Way.' And it really is as simple as that. Keep Calm and Find a Way. From the very second I fell, surprisingly it wasn't a bawling, freaking out episode. It was 'how do I do this? What do I need to do now. What is next?' and then I found a way. Every step along the way of this injury-getting myself off that trail, getting home from CO to FL, getting myself back to my house UP the stairs, getting myself into a TUB, opening doors for myself, carrying food for myself, going shopping for myself, just getting out of the house for fun, how do I 'run' DONNA??..... it wasn't that I can't do this and I can't do that, it has been, I will find a way. Yea, there may have been some mental breakdowns along the way, but then you stand up, shake yourself off, take a deep breath to regain your calm and just do it and next thing you know, you feel Badass.
I didn't get a workout in, as I was feeling a little headache and sore throat trying to come and decided I needed to rest.
WORKOUT-Rest
HEALING-Calcium Supplement, Lavender Epsom salt bath, Cocoa Butter
DEC 15-RECOVERY DAY 36-CHRISTMAS PARTY
I've been so looking forward to this day.....Cheryls Christmas party! An actual event with friends out of the house with a golf cart parade, gifts and games, food and drink, with new friends and old! I embraced the suck and decorated Big Bertha (my boot) and drank out of a ginormous champagne glass (so I could carry it with the crutches without spilling) and it was a hit! I had so much fun and only shed one tear when the first gift I received in the White Elephant was ice skating! LOL. How ironic the girl that broke her ankle on ice! Everyone thought it was funny. Thankfully someone else swapped it and I got some Godiva instead! It was such a blast I did not want the night to end!
Before the party I even talked Toni into taking me to run some errands. I don't know why it feels so much better to do the errands myself than to have someone else pick things up for me or delivered.
WORKOUT
15lb dumbbells
3sets of 10-bicep curls, overhead press, lat rows, seated flies, underhand rows, overhead lat pulls, laying flies, Russian twists, sit ups
3 sets of 20-bench press, weighted crunch
HEALING
Golden Milk
Calcium Supplement
MegaCal
Eucalyptus and Spearmint bath
Wintergreen and coconut oil massage around ankle
Cocoa butter on scar
DEC 16-RECOVERY DAY 37-REST
Today was just a rest day, as I may or may not have had a little too much fun at that Christmas Party ;) I did do some meal prep with the HelloFresh meals. I am really glad that I ordered that for myself, as during this time, the last thing I want to do is figure out what is for dinner, what ingredients do I need to make it, etc. Everything is portioned for the recipe for two, and the meals seem to be really healthy and definitely better than what I could have come up with! lol
Tomorrow is time to visit the doctor for xrays. I am so nervous.... did it heal correctly? Did I rest enough? Did I bang my ankle too much? Did the boot fit right? Why do I still have a burning sensation where the 2 screws are? Am I allergic to the screws? Will those screws need to come out, meaning another surgery, and another round of healing? Are the bones solid? Can I finally start to put pressure on it? Will it hurt? Will I be able to start training in the racing wheelchair? Do I really have to go back to work? LOL.
Hopefully tomorrow we will start a new chapter of this journey.
WORKOUT-REST-I'm actually sore from yesterdays workout (the 1st one I really had a sweat session) and probably from all the moving around of errands and socializing at the party.
HEALING-Calcium supplement, Cocoa butter on scars, Coconut oil and Wintergreen massage around ankle/foot/leg/wrists/neck, Frankincense aroma therapy.
CONTINUE MY JOURNEY IN THE NEXT RECOVERY PROCESS HERE
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